way again.
thats why i dont make plans. be cause you cant count on me to feel this angsty, this extrovertedly inside it all. its been so long, i can see the millions of lives ive been in and died through only to live again as this felt feel it feeling this should not be public that word is revolting.
the only one whose really judging you is your self thats why we are shred and frayed on the ends no one can see, when everyone walks around with holes that show in shirts that know the body of someone you'd never want to talk to on a bus. not vain.
but you know you dont stick around long enough to see anyone but you. no ones primal time but yours out in the snow, blowing stink off in the wind, digging your toes in the sand surrounded by blonde boys that will save you but dont understand.
be then be now be how be why but be. and go girl. you be fearless. have angst, if this is just being young then im proud to feel as old as i do when i think of you and wonder if i was dreaming. because people only dream to think up the miles we went to stay true. it takes lifetimes and noticing the classic days in life to have love hug my head while i sleep on and onnnn.. and on this edge im kicking at with my discipline and the belly of this retrograde idea, everyone finds easiest to deal with their lack of taste, sight, shes right we are gross. unhealthy and follow cheap instincts that really do stink when they fall on our plate of empty space.
i was supposed to, but all i am is all i want to be in this human skin.
my head shoots like a warm gun through the deep billowing air and smoke of laces and feet of your tables and through your flower pot and up into the florecent light you leave on your conscience through the night, no one can see the sky but you wonder why you cant dream and i cant sleep.
i will write tangibly through out the next week, today i cut mothers' hair to heal my worries and the grey hair my mom has her self. she slipped today on ice, called me last night and i got only hanging on vibes and acute voice of the only woman in the world that made this hair and my skills shine on with the way she has moved. its much stronger to feel weak. im sly about it that i dont have a map of my thoughts. elaborate in a way that you can see where i am and who knows wheere they're going anyway. we all roll back and forth hoping for the days only when things happen the way time says it all should, i want the strangers to stop me and only say things that keep the morning going.. as long as my eyes are wide i want it to be interesting in if its not out and donna says if you share a moment where we are still asleep, take me somewhere anywhere bound miss.your.laugh and all the laughing that made you.
we cannot demand from the world,
id much rather heart with no words than words with no heart.
i need boundaries, and i get that from the blood that doesnt make it in my veins. im bursting at the seams. i guess tonights one of only thoughts and picking at knots.
