its been a long long long time, how could i ever have lost you

ever think about the way you sound. the melody your veins created when your ears gained a preference, or a happenstance bluegrass song that was played annoyingly your whole life. thanks dad, and i really mean it. the sound your voice will ineviably make when you get it all out, the way the vibrations coming from envelopes youve made out of paper of your own vulnerable skin. resonating through a pen point vessel, breaking through your lips like the elevator and glass, gene wilder shoved his pride away and laughed. extracts of a person, liquid not soluted, mixed or tainted. them. and when the essence is dropped on your wrist you smell just like them, the scent they couldnt even smell, the only one. you never really know the way you smell. the only reason i have any idea is because of him. last night, melancholy was taking over my focus. cleanse. red wine and roomate consideration time. im here for a reason. the lightweight fact that the moments i feel the less, the most numb, the farthest from motivation and hope. i was told that the way i project myself as a human is obvious. subconcious is growing on my face like moss you wouldnt dare touch. conscious thoughts left at a bridge your legs walked across while your head was still feeling the music you forgot to actually listen to. im rambling now. havent written in anyway in a month. sometimes i dont think about my words, he said there was a dark cloud over my head, literally. he could see it sucking my smiling soul as i walked back in to the unhealthy 100 year old house. a room that was used to commune, eat. a kitchen. hands above my head tingling blood leaving my fingers and into my wishing curious head. im going to the woods today the ones i landed on in sellwood. i left something there.