ill never feel this

way again.
thats why i dont make plans. be cause you cant count on me to feel this angsty, this extrovertedly inside it all. its been so long, i can see the millions of lives ive been in and died through only to live again as this felt feel it feeling this should not be public that word is revolting.
the only one whose really judging you is your self thats why we are shred and frayed on the ends no one can see, when everyone walks around with holes that show in shirts that know the body of someone you'd never want to talk to on a bus. not vain.
but you know you dont stick around long enough to see anyone but you. no ones primal time but yours out in the snow, blowing stink off in the wind, digging your toes in the sand surrounded by blonde boys that will save you but dont understand.
be then be now be how be why but be. and go girl. you be fearless. have angst, if this is just being young then im proud to feel as old as i do when i think of you and wonder if i was dreaming. because people only dream to think up the miles we went to stay true. it takes lifetimes and noticing the classic days in life to have love hug my head while i sleep on and onnnn.. and on this edge im kicking at with my discipline and the belly of this retrograde idea, everyone finds easiest to deal with their lack of taste, sight, shes right we are gross. unhealthy and follow cheap instincts that really do stink when they fall on our plate of empty space.
i was supposed to, but all i am is all i want to be in this human skin.
my head shoots like a warm gun through the deep billowing air and smoke of laces and feet of your tables and through your flower pot and up into the florecent light you leave on your conscience through the night, no one can see the sky but you wonder why you cant dream and i cant sleep.
i will write tangibly through out the next week, today i cut mothers' hair to heal my worries and the grey hair my mom has her self. she slipped today on ice, called me last night and i got only hanging on vibes and acute voice of the only woman in the world that made this hair and my skills shine on with the way she has moved. its much stronger to feel weak. im sly about it that i dont have a map of my thoughts. elaborate in a way that you can see where i am and who knows wheere they're going anyway. we all roll back and forth hoping for the days only when things happen the way time says it all should, i want the strangers to stop me and only say things that keep the morning going.. as long as my eyes are wide i want it to be interesting in if its not out and donna says if you share a moment where we are still asleep, take me somewhere anywhere bound miss.your.laugh and all the laughing that made you.
we cannot demand from the world,
id much rather heart with no words than words with no heart.
i need boundaries, and i get that from the blood that doesnt make it in my veins. im bursting at the seams. i guess tonights one of only thoughts and picking at knots.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgasDAvqt7Y&feature=relmfu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6MQBPxj-_c&feature=relmfu

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLy30XIpFLw&feature=relmfu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbKThsA-6Ik

we will grow younger

 we tumble in on wheels of glitter bullshit and bliss. .i smell you, drenched peppermint, and the burning linen essence of clothes of tomorrow, the fabric she likes is frayed,find my hands next to a candle that bites if you blow it, pinch it out,  always and forever, are words that never remain.. pink grease, black satin teas and yellow bellied lies you spit truth between broken teeth. i cant help that im scittish, that i spell upwards and speak with my head down. we never conversate i think i'd rather have cheese to grate.
 dont sip your soup, chug it with the group. we are stimulation starving, the nimble feet above my head are now stomping.
 should i rave alone tomorrow night? twice again, im getting out of the only music people have to overcome the human form to dance to. my form is free, moves to the chords you've pressed with ease. I have life to do and sentences to say. the sky's not being spontaneous the way its spun into gray, we will swim in each dripdrop like girlhood in May. hop the fence, hit my shin with a wence.
Brown eyes resonate with neutral blue we can't be color frugal. Ginger is my girlfriend. she's a crystal gritty fear traveling through my inner  atmosphere.
dementia tangled her hair, my fingers far from queer. The only boy i know, hears exactly what i miss. he uses my wits and contact lens when i become like syrup on the throne of sleep.
 the only time we get deep, is when i meet him under a current of harps and sharp bubbles we've permeated the water with so much imagination and let it bend us green. young is what i mean.  

september magnefic

fall kissed my hand knelt in the crunchy leaves and sang me to dreaming

transition

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Hey slightly curious people,
I recently found out I have to move out, my roommates are moving, I've made a colorful niche in the Northeast part of Portland, somehow keeping that intact would be ideal.
I don't take up much space, dont even have a dresser. Looking for a small space in a house that's relatively safe. Get rid of things as much as I acquire. All the housing situations I've been in have been intolerant in only the way that they are LOUD. Honestly just searching for a household with consideration for the waves we all go through to get through our days,that includes both silence and vocal expression. Dogs are best friend material unless they yap yap yap. Kids are a reminder of youth we all need, unless they dig in your stuff, True? Im an 18 year old girl, Up to nothing but full time school and growing bright, I like to feel good when I come home most of all. Thought i better start looking before other schools start settling into the next year. If you think I may fit, let me know please:]

its been a long long long time, how could i ever have lost you

ever think about the way you sound. the melody your veins created when your ears gained a preference, or a happenstance bluegrass song that was played annoyingly your whole life. thanks dad, and i really mean it. the sound your voice will ineviably make when you get it all out, the way the vibrations coming from envelopes youve made out of paper of your own vulnerable skin. resonating through a pen point vessel, breaking through your lips like the elevator and glass, gene wilder shoved his pride away and laughed. extracts of a person, liquid not soluted, mixed or tainted. them. and when the essence is dropped on your wrist you smell just like them, the scent they couldnt even smell, the only one. you never really know the way you smell. the only reason i have any idea is because of him. last night, melancholy was taking over my focus. cleanse. red wine and roomate consideration time. im here for a reason. the lightweight fact that the moments i feel the less, the most numb, the farthest from motivation and hope. i was told that the way i project myself as a human is obvious. subconcious is growing on my face like moss you wouldnt dare touch. conscious thoughts left at a bridge your legs walked across while your head was still feeling the music you forgot to actually listen to. im rambling now. havent written in anyway in a month. sometimes i dont think about my words, he said there was a dark cloud over my head, literally. he could see it sucking my smiling soul as i walked back in to the unhealthy 100 year old house. a room that was used to commune, eat. a kitchen. hands above my head tingling blood leaving my fingers and into my wishing curious head. im going to the woods today the ones i landed on in sellwood. i left something there.